


They Call Me the Apologist

by vernie_klein



Series: Across the Universe [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Fix-It, M/M, Slow Burn, Song Lyrics, Steve has an iPod full of songs, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony hates when Rogers gets the last word, Tony is MAD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 11:45:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11035548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vernie_klein/pseuds/vernie_klein
Summary: Tony was back at the Compound. He spent his days helping Rhodey with his therapy, inventing, and working with the UN to get a more cohesive version of the Accords. What Tonywasn'tdoing was thinking of Steve Rogers. Even after the letter and song...





	They Call Me the Apologist

**Author's Note:**

> **Title taken from “The Apologist” written by Michael Stipe and performed by R.E.M. It appeared on their 11th Studio Album “Up”, released in 1998.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Credit for the _letter_ goes to Captain America: Civil War screenwriters Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely**
> 
>  
> 
> **I own nothing, just playing in Marvel's sandbox.**

Tony accepted the FedEx box from the driver, rolling his eyes as Rhodey continued to call him _Tony Stank_. He pulled back the removal strip and shook the contents onto his desk, staring down at the folded paper as it floated to it’s resting place. There was no doubt who had sent this package. Tony could tell by the ancient _Motorola_ and CD sitting on top of the note. Tony flipped open the cell phone and thumbed through the contacts- one, of course it was Steve- no, _Rogers_. He closed the cover and set the phone aside. He wasn’t ready to deal with it, not right now. 

Tony plucked the jewel case from the desk, Rogers’ neat and tidy scrawl reading _Play Me_. He didn’t even know if he had anything to _play_ it with. “Hey, Rhodey?”

“Yeah, Tony _Stank_ ,” Rhodey chuckled as he turned toward his friend, his wheelchair rolling closer. He had been getting better, walking with the braces and modified spinal implants, but he still used the chair to get around when he was tired. “Seriously, what’s in the box?”

Tony sighed and waggled the CD in the air. 

“Who sends CD’s in the mail? Are we twelve again? Is it a mixtape full of the Backstreet Boys and regret?” Rhodey plucked the disc from Tony’s fingers. “Better question is… are you gonna play it?”

“Don’t know if I can,” Tony sighed. “I haven’t seen a CD player since 2005. But, I should probably find one. I don’t want to read his letter until I do. Something tells me that I should play this first.”

“It’s times like this that I wish J-”

“Don’t say it, pumpkin. I can’t- not now. FRIDAY is almost fully integrated here, but until then? Can we not-” Tony sucked in a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could. He wouldn’t cry- Not now… Not ever. Not over Cap, he wouldn’t.

Tony never noticed Rhodey leaving the room and coming back with an antiquated CD player. His hands cradled his head, tears occasionally dripping onto the dark wood below. 

“Tony… Do you?”

He waved his friend off, ignoring the snick of the plastic lid opening and closing. The smooth, mellow voice of Michael Stipe filled the air. 

“ _They call me the apologist_  
 _and now that I'm at peak_  
 _you know at first it really hurt_  
 _we joke about these things_  
 _I've skirted all my differences_  
 _but now I'm facing up_  
 _I wanted to apologize for_  
 _everything I was… so_  
 _I'm sorry, so sorry…_ ”

Tony huffed. He was _really_ going there…

“ _did you understand me right?_  
 _the people here are good_  
 _they tell me what I should have done_  
 _and offer what I could_  
 _I'm good, all is good_  
 _all's well, no complaints_  
 _when I feel regret,_  
 _I get down on my knees and pray_  
 _I'm sorry, so sorry…_ ”

Tony balled his fists and growled, his anger growing by the second. He couldn’t believe the _audacity_ St- _Rogers_ had. After everything- _everything_ , he was still a selfish _bastard_. Tony wanted to rail on him. If he knew where Rogers was, he would burn the ground around him and never stop- _never_.

“ _I live a simple life_  
 _unfettered by complex sweets_  
 _you think this isn't me?_  
 _don't be weak_  
 _there I go_  
 _I'm so sorry_

_thank you for being there for me_  
 _thank you for listening, goodbye_  
 _I can forfeit selfishness_  
 _i hope for you that you apply_  
 _this happiness_  
 _this peacefulness_  
 _I'm sorry, so sorry_ ”

The final notes of the song faded away as Tony picked up the folded sheet of paper he had previously neglected. He didn’t want to read Rogers’ words. He wanted to ball the paper up and burn it- then scoop up the ashes and eject them into outer space. He never wanted to see Steve Rogers’ handwriting, or hear his voice. He never wanted to see his face- Tony wished he could just wipe his brain and forget the last four years. No more Steve, no more Avengers- just him and his Iron Man suits. 

Tony closed his eyes, sighing. He knew that the sooner he got this over, the better. He could go back to working on Rhodey’s prosthetics. He fingered the smooth vellum beneath his fingertips. At least Cap knew good stationary when he saw it. Tony opened his eyes to read. It really was now or never.

_Tony_ ,  
 _I’m glad you’re back at the compound, I don’t like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. I’ve been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere – even in the Army. My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. And I’m happy to say for the most part, they haven’t let me down. Which is why I can’t let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but – maybe they shouldn’t. I know I hurt you Tony. I guess I thought – by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but… I can see now I was really sparing myself. I’m sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you were only doing what you believe in, and that’s all any of us can do, it’s all any of us should. So no matter what, I promise if you — if you need us. If you need me, I’ll be there._  
 _Steve_

Tony wanted to scream. He wanted to throw that _piece of shit_ junky phone across the room and be done with it. Rogers wanted to be a narcissistic _asshole_ , then so be it. Two could play that game. He _really_ thought he was sorry… He wasn’t sorry that he hurt Tony- oh no, _Steve_ was sorry that he had to _apologise_. Tony was sure it would be full of _I never meant to take it that far_ and _wouldn’t you raze the world for Rhodey?_ , but Tony didn’t need to take it. 

Rogers hadn’t argued against the Accords for some sort of _righteous_ reason. He went against the Accords because of a _man_. A man that _killed_ Tony’s mother in cold blood. It didn’t matter if that man had been _brainwashed_ by HYDRA. It didn’t matter that he shouldn’t be held accountable for his actions because of it. _He killed Tony’s MOTHER_ , and that was reason enough to hate him- to hate Steve Rogers.

Tony slammed his fists on the desk. “Boss… You have a call on line one.”

“Tell them to _fuck off_.” Tony grumbled. He wanted to wallow in his anger and misery, not deal with anyone right now.

“It’s Secretary Ross.”

“Put him on.” Tony hit the flashing line button and laughed. “Ross… You’ve reached me at a bad time. You see, I was just going to go hel-”

“You listen to me, Stark,” The Secretary growled through the phone. “There’s been a break out at the Raft-”

“What?” Tony chuckled. “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Must be something wrong with the line.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the line,” Ross stated, anger tinting his voice.

Tony picked up the receiver and wiggled it on the base, the clicking and smashing transmitting through the line. “Sorry, there must be a technical issue with the call. Let me just put you on hold while I try to fix it.”

“Don’t you dare-” Ross started before Tony hit the hold button. He rolled his eyes and turned toward Rhodey. 

“I should be mad.”

“You are mad, Tones…” Rhodey rolled closer to the table, his hand resting on Tony’s knee. “You have every right to be, but you know they don’t deserve to be there. You _know_.”

“I know. But that doesn’t stop me being angry. I _hate _him for what he did, honeybear. He tore my life-”__

__“Boss… They are safely out of the Raft.”_ _

__“Thanks, Fri.”_ _

__Rhodey smacked the back of his hand against Tony’s shoulder. “You _knew_...”_ _

__Tony scoffed slightly. “Of _course_ I knew. Who do you think hacked into the security system to allow him to get them out? I may be fucking _pissed_ at Rogers right now. I may think that he’s not sorry, that he’s a narcissistic _asshole_ , but I don’t think that Barton, Lang, Wilson, or even that little _witch_ Maximoff should have to rot there with no trial. So, yeah… I made it a little easier for him to break out his band of merry men.” Tony crossed his arms against his chest._ _

__“Okay…” Rhodey backed off. “I’m going to take a nap. You?”_ _

__“Oh, babycakes… Are you asking me to sleep with you?” Tony’s posture relaxed as he waggled his eyebrows._ _

__“Not your type, Tones.” Rhodey began wheeling from the room. He paused in the doorway and turned back toward his best friend. “I happen to know your type is tall, blond, and beefy.”_ _

__“Fuck you, Rhodes… _Fuck_ you.” Tony _did not_ laugh. Rhodey’s comments _weren’t_ funny. Tony shook his head and glanced at the still blinking light- Ross must really think he was coming back on the line, and began formulating his response._ _

___Two could play this game_._ _


End file.
